IwannaBGattuso
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More Frankie Boyle quotes"They're always going, don't deal with terrorists. Let's deal with them. What's Allah offering you boys, 100 virgins? We'll give you 50 slags."
"Scientists have just built the world's biggest supercollider, and they're doing experiments to see what makes up protons. I hope that if the experiment's successful, the whole of our reality will dissolve, and a big sign will up come that says: Level Two."
"I always wondered about that woman who had that face transplant. If you went to bed with her, would that technically count as a threesome?"
"What was wrong with train toilet doors that just locked, instead of this multiple choice system? If anything goes wrong, you'll be sitting there while the whole toilet wall slowly slides away, unveiling you like a prize on a quiz show. For 500 points, a shitting woman!"
"Do you think George Bush actually knows who Gordon Brown is? He probably just thinks Tony Blair's put on weight and had a mild stroke."
On the most Scottish thing he'd ever seen: "I was going through a town called Bathgate at around 11 o'clock at night. And there was a guy leaning and pissing against a front door. He then took out his keys and went inside."
"Apparently they're going to bring in Super Asbos. But Asbos already sound too cool. Teenagers see them as a badge of honour. They should call them Gaybos or Bender Badges."
"It's good they're holding the Olympics in the East End of London. Means the athletes will have to use extra skill to work out which of the gunshots was the starting pistol."
Frankie: The average Glasgow guy now looks like he spends more time in front of the mirror than a pubescent girl. You know what? If you're going to spend 2 hours on your appearance every day why not work out you fat f**ks? If you're going to have a haircut that makes you look like a moderately powerful Pokemon, try to make sure you're body doesn't look like something that's just been fished out of a river.
Frankie: You got this thing on DVDs now, where they say DVD piracy funds the drug trade... Funds the drugs trade – I don't know about you, but I reckon, if you can't make money out of heroin, you're gonna struggle in general. "Oh, the problem with this crack cocaine is people can just take it or leave it – thank God we're still selling the Harry Potters!" (on the topic of flying on Mock The Week)
Frankie: There's nowhere I want to visit so much I'm willing to be fired towards it at 700mph in a tin can full of other people's farts. (on the topic of Drinking on Mock The Week)
Frankie: As a teetotal ex-alcoholic this should be quite good. I drink energy drinks now. It’s good that they’ve finally managed to can anxiety. I’m teetotal, right, a concept that Scottish people don’t understand. So I did a gig in Fife, I was on stage, and this guy was going up to the bar and he went ‘Hey, I’ll get you a drink as well’. I went ‘Well, I used to be an alcoholic, so I don’t drink any more, but thanks anyway’. And he looked at me for a bit, and then he went ‘Pint of lager shandy?’.
Frankie: (as Scientist 1) Shall we have a go at curing cancer?
Frankie: (as Scientist 2) No, I'm going to see how many Fruit Pastiles it takes to choke a kestral
(On Mock The Week as two scientists who have too much time on their hands)
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Fungus Features
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Class.
My fave's not there tho: on the subject of Madelaine McCann and Shannon Matthews,
"Why's it only the ugly ones who turn up?"
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